A Bit Discombobulated
I guess I haven’t written much lately because I haven’t had a lot of positive things to write. I consider myself a fairly optimistic individual and yet some days I think that being a teacher makes me an overly pessimistic person. In reality, I know my students are learning something and I can’t possibly be the worst teacher in the world, but it still feels that way some times.
I like to tell people, “I knew it would be hard, but that doesn’t make it any easier.” This week has already been stressful and the truly stressful part hasn’t even started. Tomorrow I am being observed by my principal and assistant principal and then Thursday my Teach For America advisor will be stopping by for another chat and observation. These encounters don’t really make me nervous; they are just more things that add to my feeling of being overwhelmed and helplessly inadequate.
Nevertheless, I know I am not alone in these feelings and frustrations and there is some comfort in that. I saw another TFA teacher on the subway this morning and she mentioned to me how she almost walked out yesterday. She mentioned how she’s at her wits’ end and all I could do was smile and nod. First year teachers unite – we will survive somehow.
Lately I’ve spent a lot of time reading. For the first time in my life I really know what it feels like to escape through a book. Before I always read to study and learn, but now I find the added benefit of filling my mind with the words on the page instead of the instructional planning and frustrations in my head. The best book I’ve read recently is The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother by James McBride. It is a great memoir about an orthodox Jew immigrant who ran away from her family to Harlem and married a black man. An excellent read!
Yesterday I went to a class at St. Bart’s taught by my favorite priest (I think it’s funny that I have a favorite priest now). It’s a class about the church and the Episcopal tradition and I met some other interesting people there. This afternoon my friend Kristin, another English teacher at my school, invited me to go to a party of some kind. It is always good to go out with friends, even very new friends, even in the midst of the turmoil that is teaching.
I like to tell people, “I knew it would be hard, but that doesn’t make it any easier.” This week has already been stressful and the truly stressful part hasn’t even started. Tomorrow I am being observed by my principal and assistant principal and then Thursday my Teach For America advisor will be stopping by for another chat and observation. These encounters don’t really make me nervous; they are just more things that add to my feeling of being overwhelmed and helplessly inadequate.
Nevertheless, I know I am not alone in these feelings and frustrations and there is some comfort in that. I saw another TFA teacher on the subway this morning and she mentioned to me how she almost walked out yesterday. She mentioned how she’s at her wits’ end and all I could do was smile and nod. First year teachers unite – we will survive somehow.
Lately I’ve spent a lot of time reading. For the first time in my life I really know what it feels like to escape through a book. Before I always read to study and learn, but now I find the added benefit of filling my mind with the words on the page instead of the instructional planning and frustrations in my head. The best book I’ve read recently is The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother by James McBride. It is a great memoir about an orthodox Jew immigrant who ran away from her family to Harlem and married a black man. An excellent read!
Yesterday I went to a class at St. Bart’s taught by my favorite priest (I think it’s funny that I have a favorite priest now). It’s a class about the church and the Episcopal tradition and I met some other interesting people there. This afternoon my friend Kristin, another English teacher at my school, invited me to go to a party of some kind. It is always good to go out with friends, even very new friends, even in the midst of the turmoil that is teaching.
posted by Sarah at
2:55 PM
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